Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed my video blog on insecurities that I shared in January. I was a bit nervous about sharing these struggles, about putting myself out there, but I want people to be free and to overcome their own insecurities because I know the challenges that they bring. We all have them! I knew that if one person found it helpful it was all worth it. If you didn’t get a chance to listen to it, I encourage you to check it out here.
As I shared in that video, my relationships and friendships over the years and how they impacted me, I thought it would be great to also share and talk about healthy relationships and why they are so important! Who we surround ourselves with can affect every area of our lives- our health, our well-being, and our self-esteem and so much more! Sometimes, we end up in unhealthy relationships… It’s actually very common! The problem is that many times we don’t recognize it, or we don’t know how to get out of these relationships. I know this firsthand and have learned the importance of checking with my loved ones to get their opinion and feedback, doing inventory on myself, and to continually check my relationships to see if they are healthy. The rest of this month in my blogs, I’m going to explore different types of relationships and how to measure the health of them. I encourage you to check all of these out so that you can live your best life.
So, what do healthy relationships look like? Healthy relationships bring joy and peace to your life. Yes, conflict will be present at times but overall our relationships make us feel good about ourselves. They need to be balanced when it comes to give-and-take and bring enjoyment to our lives. Now before we can get into our relationships with others, it’s important to first examine what is our relationship with ourselves. Your relationship with yourself affects your other relationships and so we must start here as a foundation as we go through these topics.
The Mental Health Foundation, states this: “While our relationships impact on our mental health, it is important to remember that our mental health can impact on how we connect with others and how we develop relationships.”
So, what is your relationship with yourself? What is your mental health status? Do you treat yourself how you would treat others? What is your personal self-talk? Is it Positive, Negative, Realistic, and/or Loving? Are you critical with yourself and find yourself tearing you down over small things? These are questions I have had to ask myself as I have struggled with my self-relationship over the years. When I speak at women’s conferences, I talk about how we as women are so hard on ourselves. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to another human being, and yet we justify it and ultimately think that it’s going to help us, but it only tears us down. Sometimes we can even hear an inner dialogue that tells us lies. Within my own experience, I’ve heard myself tell lies to myself like, “you are ugly,” “you will never be enough,” and even “you are a burden on others, and it would be better if you were not here.” I used to think that this dialogue was true. I now realize that they were lies and now I see what the truth is- “I’m beautiful inside and out,” “I am enough,” and “I am here for a purpose and will do great things.”
You might be asking, Tasha, how did you get yourself to this point of changing your self- talk? I did a few things… I first started recognizing what I was saying to myself and realizing that it was not healthy thinking. I tried changing the thoughts myself but was unsuccessful. I then sought out professional counseling, which is where I really saw major breakthroughs. Sharing what I was hearing in my mind with someone else, was powerful as they could see the truth and help me process it. I then had to do a lot of work in replacing those thoughts with the truth whenever those negative thoughts would come to my mind. I really leaned on my counselor, Doug and my close friends during this time to help me get through this. I would bounce these thoughts off them, and they would help me in knowing whether this thought was a lie or truth. I had to open myself up to others, even though it was scary to be so vulnerable at times, but it was completely worth it to free myself from this negative self-talk and to come out on the other side of freedom and peace of mind. I still have some triggers, but it is a lot better. I now know what to do when I hear these thoughts and can process them in a much healthier way.
What lies are you listening to? What self talk is negative and needs to be reconsidered? I encourage you to write these things down so that you can recognize what you are saying to yourself. It’s only when you can recognize that you can make change. It’s easy to have these negative conversations with ourselves because of worldly standards that are impossible to meet. The expectations of billboards, magazine ads, and commercials are unachievable. So know today that you are amazing, unique and have so much to give this world. Be good and kind to yourself so that you can be healthy and have healthy relationships. Truly loving others begins with loving ourselves.
As always, if this dialogue in your mind is overwhelmingly negative, you may want to seek out professional help of seeing a counselor or a trusted family member or friend that can help you talk through this and discover what the truth is.
Healthy relationships are so important, but the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. I encourage you today to take steps to have a healthy relationship with yourself. Having fun with yourself, loving yourself, encouraging yourself, and being your number one cheerleader!
For more in-depth information about this topic, I recommend this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201705/12-keys-great-self-relationship-starting-now
I would love to hear your feedback on this, so please comment below. Also, please follow me on Instagram (Tashaschuh), YouTube (Tasha Schuh) and Facebook (tashaschuh99)!