In last week’s blog post, (PG 13) Let’s Talk about Sex, I addressed the misconceptions (and the curiosity) about sex and intimacy among those with disabilities. I found a lack of open and real-life information on the subject and decided it was time to fill that void. However, having a fulfilling sex life in marriage requires two people, which is why it was important to us that we also share Doug’s point of view. Here’s what Doug has to say on the subject.
Written by Doug Michaels:
This is one topic I never imaged that I would be writing about. As Tasha shared in her post last week, there are many misconceptions about sex and intimacy as a whole when it comes to people with disabilities. I want to support my wife in offering information to allow for more understanding on this important subject. It’s through information that we can address the misconceptions and a lack of understanding out there.
Sex – or making love as I prefer to phrase it – was never an aspect of our relationship that I worried about. I knew that if we had a great friendship to begin with, then physical intimacy would follow. I liken it to baking a cake… Follow me on this…
Every good cake begins with the cake itself. You have to mix the ingredients and bake it for the right amount of time until the cake emerges from the oven light and moist. Our relationship was like the cake – we spent months getting to know each other through phone conversations and dates, until eventually the time was right to get engaged. During those months we were building a wonderful friendship and a solid foundation; we talked about everything from work to children to money, and everything in between.
Sex is like the frosting that goes on after the scrumptious cake is cooled and ready. It makes an already delicious cake outstanding. That is what sexual intimacy did for us; we took an already solid foundation and added the frosting! When it comes to our physical intimacy, I think Tasha summed it up pretty well last week. We naturally have so much fun together as a couple that it just carries over into the physical aspects of our marriage. I’m hoping that this helps to set the record straight for those curious or doubting whether our needs in that arena can be met. Believe me, both of us are quite happy and fulfilled!
Let me repeat for the doubters… Tasha and I have a healthy and wonderful intimacy within our marriage, and yes, I am very happy in that respect! Tasha is a woman just like any other woman. The only difference is she doesn’t have feeling in certain parts of her body. It doesn’t mean she is without those parts. So assuming that she needs to perform certain “acts” in order to satisfy me is absurd. Sorry if you were hoping to get more details, but some things are meant to be private.
I will leave you with this … God created sex. Despite what some people believe, it is a created desire we all have. I don’t know if we will have children – that will depend on what the Lord puts in our hearts. But I do know this: Tasha is a stunning wife and our marriage is awesome in every way – mental, emotional, spiritual, and yes, physical!