Happy Valentine’s Day! I wanted to do something different this year for Valentine’s Day for those who find this day to be frustrating and a reminder of being alone. Some of you may remember Doug and I writing a blog a couple years ago titled “Dumping Valentines Day.” This holiday has never been a favorite of mine or Doug’s. Being that we both got married later in life we spent many of these holidays alone wondering if we would ever meet that special person. I write these blogs now because I learned so much in the times of being single and have learned even more now being married. I want to help other people who are where I was when I was single or who are in a toxic relationship.
One thing to note… if you want to be in a relationship start preparing for that. Don’t just sit by the wayside, hoping he’s/she’s going to show up at your door. I now look back and see that it was exactly what I was doing. I wanted to be in a relationship but I thought in order to meet someone they would have to come to my church or be at a speaking engagement. A girlfriend actually forced me to go online to start an online dating account and I am now grateful… Being proactive can be a good thing! I would not have met Doug if I sat around waiting.
Another important thing aspect of preparing was, before I met Doug, I read books on marriage and relationships so that I would be prepared when the right person came. I learned what it took to have a good marriage, how to communicate effectively in relationships, and worked on things that I knew I struggled with i.e. insecurity and loving myself. Good, healthy relationships take time and energy and work. The more you can prepare now the better your relationship will be in the future… I’m living proof of this! I look back today and I’m so thankful that I prepared the way I did… It set our marriage up for success. If you are fresh out of an old relationship, don’t just jump into the next one. Figure out why the last one ended and take responsibility for the parts that you played in the relationship dissolving (I know it’s easy to point to the other person saying that they did everything wrong, but we have to take ownership and realize the part that we played in it so we do not repeat these things in our future relationships.)
One other thing that I want to mention is the fact that I see so many people who fear being single. They are in toxic relationships and only stay because they fear being alone. If that is you, it’s not too late to get out! Use this holiday to reflect on the pros and cons of your relationship and if there are way more cons than pros, why are you staying? I have been in a toxic relationship before and it steals so much peace and joy from your life! Being single is not the worst place to be… Being in an unhealthy toxic relationship is! I see so many hurrying to get married so that they can start a family thinking that once the ring is on their finger that things will get better… They won’t! When you’re dating someone, you see the best side of them… They are putting their best foot forward. If you don’t like what you’re seeing now, be brave and courageous to move on with your life and choose to be single. To wait for the right person who loves you for who you are, who carries their equal weight in the relationship, and who is mature enough and can contribute so that your relationship is healthy and enjoyable.
With all of this being said, Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m living proof that true love is out there and he/she is worth waiting for!
Disclaimer: In re-watching this video I realize that I talk more from the female perspective and so I just want to put a disclaimer here saying this video is for both male and female and where I say Prince charming it can also be said Princess and so on.